Church

One my twins got a little restless during stake conference yesterday. I pulled him on my lap and said something like, "Maybe when you grow up, you'll be the stake president. You'll have to find out what God wants your stake to know and you'll tell them." 

His response: "I will say, 'this meeting is cancelled . . . forever.'"

Mean Mommy

My 3yo is crying because he says 'You make us go to Costco instead of Disneyland!!!'

Christmas Present Request

"Mom, can you get me an invisibility cloak for Christmas? But don't tell the other kids, ok?"

The Holocaust

My 10 year old just said the sweetest thing after reading The Diary of Anne Frank tonight.

Him: I wish Encyclopedia Brown was real and he could figure out who betrayed The Franks and the VanDans.
Me: Are you going to pay him a quarter? (For those of you who aren’t aware this is Encyclopedia’s going rate)
Him- with tears starting to brim in his eyes: I have over $100 saved and I would give him all of that if he could figure it out.

He might blur fact and fiction but the kid’s got heart.

1792

Food Critic

This doesn't taste like a 6. It taste more like a 4.
(Quote from my 10yo discussing his advent chocolates.)

Sweet cheeks

My 3yo just put his hands on my cheeks, looked me in the eye, and asked me for a sleep number bed. Darn those commercials between cartoons.

Sy-la-ble

6yo: Mom, I have 3 words for you. Exs-Sym-A! (eczema)
Me: That's one word.
6yo: Fine. I have 2 words for you. Med-A-Sin (medicine)

(apparently my 6yo wants his eczema medicine but like many kids he can't just say so. He also doesn't know what a word is *face palm*)

True Love

My 6yo son sat on my lap and gave me a big hug around the neck. "I love you mom more than...(LONG PAUSE FOR THINKING)...Satan." *I snicker* "And more than that water bottle" *points to water bottle*
I'm flattered, I really am.

Harry Potter Make Believe

When playing Harry Potter with his brother's and sister my 3yo no longer wants to be Professor Flitwick. He now wants to be Sirius...baby Sirius. Apparently that makes more sense to him.

Mixing

My twins just told me that their dad lets them mix Trix and Coco Puffs (because you can mix like cereals- both of these cereals were balls)
When I said that sounded really gross they said that it was good and I shouldn't call it gross unless I tried it. That's what I always said to them.

When I texted their dad he denied everything.

Revenge!

Had the kids do some thorough cleaning this morning and then tonight when I hopped into bed there were 5 dirty socks, 2 potatohead pieces, a few Legos, and a foam disc UNDER my covers. Somebody put them there. Strange form of revenge. :)

The Truth Comes Out

My husband proposed that we have a writing party. Sounded good to me and my oldest son but my daughter was quick say, "Only if there are refreshments."

Through Time and Space

When asked when his birthday is, my 4yo said, "7 o'clock." Today when he was measuring a flip flop he told me that it was 30 degrees. Almost buddy. Almost.

Toothpicks

One of my 6yos with a toothpick in his mouth

6yo: Most people who are bad have these in their mouths.
Dad: I think they're for people who have stuff in their teeth.
6yo: Most people who eat animals, and eat people, and like, groundhogs and lots of meat and stuff usually have these things in their mouths like this. (pokes toothpick out of teeth and grimaces)
Dad: (no response)

Pay Attention to Me!

My 3yo forcing me to play charades while I'm trying to get my editing done.

3yo: Guess what I am? *Lays on stomach with feet in the air*
Me: A (insert just about every animal I can think of because that has been the theme for the last 100 guess-what-I-ams)
3yo: No! A dead whale.

Of course, why didn't I guess that one?!?!

My 8 year old

I was arguing with my daughter
Me: Please do it. You are being ridiculous.
Daughter: Does ridiculous mean awesome? Because, then, yes!

LOL, I lost that fight.

The day after I shaved my head

Just visited my first graders classes.

One boy told me I looked like a monster. By the glint in his eyes I think it was a compliment.
His teacher corrected him and he said, "Oh yeah, not a monster. A ZOMBIE"

Another boy got shave-head envy and told me that he wants to shave his head so bad but his mom told him if he shaves his blond hair then it will grow back black. LOL!

Johnny Depp

My 3yo saw a pic of Jack Sparrow on my blog and said "Look, Jack Sparrow!" I asked him how he knew and he said, "Legos"

Shredhead

My three year old just said, with a huge grin on his face: "April O'Neil is my cousin!" #toomuchninjaturtles

The Dance

OK, one more funny from my 3yo.
Me: You'd better go to the bathroom.
Him: But I'm not doing the potty dance.
Me: Then what is that?
Him: The I'm-so-excited-for-Silver-Hawks dance!
Me: Riiiiiight....

She's HOT!

3 year old son: The girl on Toy Story 3 is hot.
Me: What did you say? 
Son: The girl is hot.
Me: The girl is hot?
Son over annunciating: The girl is T-aw-k
Me: The girl is talk...ing?
Son grinning: YEAH!
(Kids are seriously this hard to understand sometimes)

Super Bear

My 6yo twins asked me if I could have any super power what would I want?

My answer: I'd be Loves-a-Lot with the power of Love shooting out of my belly at my enemies and enveloping them with such feelings of love and acceptance that they change their ways and become my friends.

(Cricket silence)

My 6yo's responded:
-All the Carebears have the same power.
-It's called a stare, mom. You'd have the power of stare.
-Stare's don't even really make sense.
-Besides Loves-a-Lot isn't even a Carebear, he's an elephant.
-Yeah, he's a Carebear Cousin.

So my answer didn't really impress them.
But their answers impressed me. Who taught them so much about Carebears?

February 4th 2011

The boy I tend just told me he was a real vampire but he only sucks his own blood.
Then to prove it he stuck his papercut finger in his mouth.

February 13th 2011

My 2 year old just asked my husband to read him 'Zoobie and the Red Girl' then handed him Pocahantas.

February 16th 2011

Does anyone else have a potion master in their house? Mine has been working on his craft covertly, as every potion found by his wicked mother is immediately poured down the drain and he gets yelled at for it.
He uses whatever he can find. Soap, shampoo, perfume, cleaning supplies, and essential oils. I just hope he's not sampling his potions.

March 1st 2011

My two year old was looking for his shoe when he said enthusiastically, "I GOT IT!" (an idea, not the shoe) "I can jump really high and then I can see the shoe!"
"Alright," I said, "Go ahead."
"I can't" he replied disappointed, "I don't have any gummyberry juice."

March 20th 2011

Night prayer from one of the twins: ...please bless us to be good to all men...even ladies and babies. We're grateful for friends, family, teachers, and magistrates. Please help us to be true, chaste, benevolent, and virtuous...

April 14th 2011

My two year old just brought me shorts after a long cold winter and when I put them on him he looked really worried, "These are too small!"
"No, their called called shorts."
"No, these pants are TOO LITTLE!"
So he went upstairs and got longer pants

April 26th 2011

My favorite quote of the day-
My two year old pushed the garage door opener and said:
I pushed the button! I a genius!
(where did he learn that word? Pinky & the Brain?)

April 27th 2011

Told my two year old to call upstairs to his brothers, "There's a cookie for them downstairs if they were all ready for soccer."

My son ran up the stairs shouting, "Guys! There's a cookie for you all ready!!"

Same thing.

My two year old: Mom? Dinosaurs don't have trunks. Elephants have trunks and dinosaurs have teeth. Teeth so they can eat...grass...hoppers, no, not grasshoppers. Just grass. ROAR! Don't be scared it is a fake dinosaur. ROAR! *drops toy* Wow, that scared ME!

Cannon joke of the day:

What did the alligator say to the ladybug?

Happy Birthday to you,

You live…I don’t know where…

You look like spaghetti

And you taste like it too.

Best moment of day (or worst- I choose to laugh and make it the best) "Mom!!! Cannon just peed on your carpet in your room!" "What? Why?" "He peed in an easter egg and then threw it at me so that I would get pee on me but I just threw it back at him and then when he caught it it opened. And it's on your carpet."

I know my twins are close n all but do they both have to talk like chipmunks and say words like 'somescream'?

Twin #1: "Is dad really going to get us trolls that do our chores if we go brush our teeth?" Mom: "No.". Twin #1: "I didn't think so because I'm not sure those even exsist."

The latest twin story: I hear a skirmish upstairs and call down the boys. After several minutes of translating chipmunk into English, I think it came down to this-"Cannon said 'pee on me. So I did" "I didn't say pee on me! I said 'be on me' like a piggyback ride. Now my dalmation shirt is ruined!"

My incomprehensible twins keep praying that my husbands book will be plummished. I'm not sure what that is but I don't think anyone wants their book plummished.

Twin Conversation of the night (I have no idea what any of this means)
(1) I know something above the sun
(2) what?
(1) the astroid belt
(2) I know something above the astroid belt
(1) what?
(2) heaven