Toothpicks

One of my 6yos with a toothpick in his mouth

6yo: Most people who are bad have these in their mouths.
Dad: I think they're for people who have stuff in their teeth.
6yo: Most people who eat animals, and eat people, and like, groundhogs and lots of meat and stuff usually have these things in their mouths like this. (pokes toothpick out of teeth and grimaces)
Dad: (no response)

Pay Attention to Me!

My 3yo forcing me to play charades while I'm trying to get my editing done.

3yo: Guess what I am? *Lays on stomach with feet in the air*
Me: A (insert just about every animal I can think of because that has been the theme for the last 100 guess-what-I-ams)
3yo: No! A dead whale.

Of course, why didn't I guess that one?!?!

My 8 year old

I was arguing with my daughter
Me: Please do it. You are being ridiculous.
Daughter: Does ridiculous mean awesome? Because, then, yes!

LOL, I lost that fight.

The day after I shaved my head

Just visited my first graders classes.

One boy told me I looked like a monster. By the glint in his eyes I think it was a compliment.
His teacher corrected him and he said, "Oh yeah, not a monster. A ZOMBIE"

Another boy got shave-head envy and told me that he wants to shave his head so bad but his mom told him if he shaves his blond hair then it will grow back black. LOL!

Johnny Depp

My 3yo saw a pic of Jack Sparrow on my blog and said "Look, Jack Sparrow!" I asked him how he knew and he said, "Legos"

Shredhead

My three year old just said, with a huge grin on his face: "April O'Neil is my cousin!" #toomuchninjaturtles

The Dance

OK, one more funny from my 3yo.
Me: You'd better go to the bathroom.
Him: But I'm not doing the potty dance.
Me: Then what is that?
Him: The I'm-so-excited-for-Silver-Hawks dance!
Me: Riiiiiight....

She's HOT!

3 year old son: The girl on Toy Story 3 is hot.
Me: What did you say? 
Son: The girl is hot.
Me: The girl is hot?
Son over annunciating: The girl is T-aw-k
Me: The girl is talk...ing?
Son grinning: YEAH!
(Kids are seriously this hard to understand sometimes)

Super Bear

My 6yo twins asked me if I could have any super power what would I want?

My answer: I'd be Loves-a-Lot with the power of Love shooting out of my belly at my enemies and enveloping them with such feelings of love and acceptance that they change their ways and become my friends.

(Cricket silence)

My 6yo's responded:
-All the Carebears have the same power.
-It's called a stare, mom. You'd have the power of stare.
-Stare's don't even really make sense.
-Besides Loves-a-Lot isn't even a Carebear, he's an elephant.
-Yeah, he's a Carebear Cousin.

So my answer didn't really impress them.
But their answers impressed me. Who taught them so much about Carebears?

February 4th 2011

The boy I tend just told me he was a real vampire but he only sucks his own blood.
Then to prove it he stuck his papercut finger in his mouth.

February 13th 2011

My 2 year old just asked my husband to read him 'Zoobie and the Red Girl' then handed him Pocahantas.

February 16th 2011

Does anyone else have a potion master in their house? Mine has been working on his craft covertly, as every potion found by his wicked mother is immediately poured down the drain and he gets yelled at for it.
He uses whatever he can find. Soap, shampoo, perfume, cleaning supplies, and essential oils. I just hope he's not sampling his potions.

March 1st 2011

My two year old was looking for his shoe when he said enthusiastically, "I GOT IT!" (an idea, not the shoe) "I can jump really high and then I can see the shoe!"
"Alright," I said, "Go ahead."
"I can't" he replied disappointed, "I don't have any gummyberry juice."

March 20th 2011

Night prayer from one of the twins: ...please bless us to be good to all men...even ladies and babies. We're grateful for friends, family, teachers, and magistrates. Please help us to be true, chaste, benevolent, and virtuous...

April 14th 2011

My two year old just brought me shorts after a long cold winter and when I put them on him he looked really worried, "These are too small!"
"No, their called called shorts."
"No, these pants are TOO LITTLE!"
So he went upstairs and got longer pants

April 26th 2011

My favorite quote of the day-
My two year old pushed the garage door opener and said:
I pushed the button! I a genius!
(where did he learn that word? Pinky & the Brain?)

April 27th 2011

Told my two year old to call upstairs to his brothers, "There's a cookie for them downstairs if they were all ready for soccer."

My son ran up the stairs shouting, "Guys! There's a cookie for you all ready!!"

Same thing.

My two year old: Mom? Dinosaurs don't have trunks. Elephants have trunks and dinosaurs have teeth. Teeth so they can eat...grass...hoppers, no, not grasshoppers. Just grass. ROAR! Don't be scared it is a fake dinosaur. ROAR! *drops toy* Wow, that scared ME!

Cannon joke of the day:

What did the alligator say to the ladybug?

Happy Birthday to you,

You live…I don’t know where…

You look like spaghetti

And you taste like it too.

Best moment of day (or worst- I choose to laugh and make it the best) "Mom!!! Cannon just peed on your carpet in your room!" "What? Why?" "He peed in an easter egg and then threw it at me so that I would get pee on me but I just threw it back at him and then when he caught it it opened. And it's on your carpet."